Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014

Not my image, credited to Julie Tillery from Facebook
Personally, the last 2 years have been very hard. I was glad to see 2012 come to an end because we had been through so much with my DS2's illness, which changed my (our) world.  I had high hopes for 2013...hopes don't always bring results.  2013 has probably been my worst year thus far, and by now I have had a few to compare it to.

2013 saw me, for a time, have a crisis of faith which haunts me. I literally looked at my life, the devastation and destruction in it, and  I witnessed the person I thought was the strongest Christian I knew walk away from his faith, so in anger I said, "If this is what being on God's team brings, I don't want to play anymore!"   I was selfish and wanted to take MY toys and go home.  It was wrong, I sinned - there is NO excuse. I walked blindly through life for a while, without His light.  I know He was still there watching over me, but I was stumbling, falling and crawling on skinned knees without him. But like a child, I have come seeking the direction and hand of my Father and feeling His forgiveness.  The difference is, I feel like a baby now...having to learn to walk, talk and do most everything.  I am a baby in Christ right now, learning to pray, to seek His Word, to try to stay within his Will in Everything.  The above image is not my own, I saw it on Facebook and it spoke to me about the coming year....2014.  I am going to trust Him and His plan...knowing it is wonderful, knowing He thinks I am beautiful when others don't, knowing He loves me when others don't, knowing He cares what happens when others don't.  I am seeking His in 2014.

I know there will be pain in 2014 and in all honesty, I am struggling mightily with temptation as I enter this new year.  I am struggling against myself a great deal and fear is a constant battle.  But, I am determined to keep trying, to keep seeking my Savior. 

May you experience blessings and joy in 2014.
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9 comments:

Carol said...

I am so glad to see you are back, Michelle. I know from reading on FB that this has been quite a year for you. I haven't walked in your shoes, but I know others who have and what a struggle it can be. I hope you can find comfort solace in your blogging friends as well as your faith. I wish you all good luck in 2014.

Hugs,
Carol

. said...

Hi Michelle, Like your friend Carol, I could tell from Facebook that you were traveling through a deep and dark valley. It looks like you have climbed back to the top of the mountain or at least you are on your way. Blessings to you as we enter 2014. I pray this new year is your best yet.

Sues said...

I love your genuine honesty so much! Please know how beautiful and ministering it is!!!

Lyndy Duncan said...

I pray 2014 brings you and your family much joy and happiness. I have had these dark years, for different reasons but I have learned, nothing we experience is wasted. Nothing we experience comes to us, without first God allowing it. One day, I believe you will look back and see that these hard years were the very ones that taught you the most about your faith. Big hugs to you.

Laura @ Top This Top That said...

Happy New Year Michelle. You are stronger then you think. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as your journey through 2014.

Christine @ Suburban Charm said...

Just stumbled upon your blog by accident, and it feels like I was meant to find it.

I too have been in the dark place that you have traveled and also walked away from my faith. It is comforting to know that others have had the same struggle. I am just now finding my way back to it, and am sure it will be a life long journey.

Sending you prayers and best wished in 2014. I am a new follower!
xo, Christine

gardenlady110 said...

Praying that 2014 will bring spiritual riches to you, and that you geel God's love ever more deeply. I think we can all relate to having faith crisis, but God is faithful

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. " Jer 29:11-13. And you ARE beautiful.

gardenlady110 said...

Praying that 2014 will bring spiritual riches to you, and that you geel God's love ever more deeply. I think we can all relate to having faith crisis, but God is faithful

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. " Jer 29:11-13. And you ARE beautiful.

gardenlady110 said...

Praying that God's richest blessings be yours in 2014. I think we can all relate to faith crisis, but God is ever faithful "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. " Jer. 29:11-13. And you ARE beautiful.